Thursday, October 18, 2012

Maybe That's Why...

My heart has been heavy this week. Other than simple bumps and scrapes, this has been my first experience with the heart-break of seeing my child in pain; the guilt of wondering if I could have prevented this. Every time I see her wince as she tries to get comfortable, I find myself asking, "why?"

We saw an orthopedic doctor on Tuesday, and it turns out that the bone is cracked halfway through. She needs to wear the brace for four to six weeks, 24 hours a day. Matt carried her out to the car and we headed home preparing ourselves for the reality that we will have both an injured toddler and a newborn baby in just 10 days.

Why did this have to happen so close to the end of our pregnancy?

Why did this have to happen at all?

Why does she have to experience this pain?

Why? The question tumbles from my lips in an automatic response to life’s not-so-pleasant surprises. From minor inconveniences to major catastrophes, I find myself looking toward the sky and demanding an immediate answer or an easy solution. Sometimes I just freeze for a minute as I wait for God to part the clouds and say, “Just kidding. This isn’t really happening.”

And as much as I wish that my situation weren’t real, my questions for God extend far beyond the walls of my own home this week. The list of people we love who have been hit by difficult circumstances and tough uncertainties is so long that our dinner is cold long before we finish saying our prayers.

Morning, noon, and night, I am in constant prayer, asking God to provide strength, comfort, and peace to my daughter, my family, and my endless list of loved ones searching for reasons of their own. As I pray, my phone beeps with constant emails, texts, and facebook messages - reminders of the many prayers flowing into my life as my prayers flow out to others. People offer to bring a meal or lend a hand in the same moment that I am sending that same offer to someone else.

As I sit in the middle of this outpouring of love, the questions begin to fade and I am surrounded by a rainbow of gratitude. Because without these challenges, without these questions, we might forget how to love this deeply, how to pray this desperately, how to reach out this easily. We might forget what it’s like to come to him on our knees and feel His embrace. We might forget to surrender to His hands and His plan. And we might miss the peace and the joy of knowing just how loved we truly are.


This is a Bigger Picture moment.
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6 comments:

  1. This is the meaning of life. Loving God above all else and truly loving your neighbor. The rainbow of gratitude is indeed needed. I have the very same rainbow over here, and I'm grateful. Truly grateful.

    I hope that your daughter's back heals soon. Kids are resilient. Within the healing and between the nurturing she will grow stronger.

    Beautiful bigger picture today. Thank you for sharing!

    Alita

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  2. Add my prayers, too, for quick healing and for your continued faith ... even when life doesn't make sense. This was truly a bigger picture moment in every sense of the word.

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  3. It's that "rainbow of gratitude" that helps lead the way during those times of WHY...may quick healing come to your little one, and may faith guide on the upcoming path with two littles running around.

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  4. Those connections really make life rich, don't they. Sharing our joy, dividing our pain...I can't remember who said those words but they are true. Healing to your baby!

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  5. I hope your daughter's healing is quick and that you continue to be blessed by those that love you.

    Thank you for this transparent post and for your wonderful example in striving to love and trust God no matter what.

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  6. Yes, we must struggle through the hardships.

    If it makes you feel any better my son (almost 2 at the time) had a broken arm when I brought home my our second. You will get through this and everyone will be stronger.

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