Thursday, June 30, 2011

Just Relax!

In my post from May 13, I admitted to having a little bit of a need to control things. Ever since then, I have grown more and more aware of it, and I'm finally ready to acknowledge maybe it is more of a problem than I realized. It causes me to have unnecessary arguments with Matt, and I'm sure it makes him feel inadequate (especially when it comes to taking care of Reese). It puts me on edge a lot, and it prevents me from being able to fully relax. This last issue is what brought it to the front of my mind today.  

This morning I went for a manicure and pedicure. (I do this once a year before we leave for our annual vacation to Lake of the Ozarks in Missouri). As I drove to the spa, I reminded myself to just relax and enjoy it and not worry about how long I've been gone or what's going on at home. Five minutes into my pedicure, I resisted the temptation to call Matt and see if Reese went down for her nap. Ten minutes later, I stopped myself from texting him to say that if she's going to play outside, she needs to wear sunscreen. Then during my manicure, it bothered me that my hands were tied up, which meant that I couldn't call to tell him that I wouldn't be back in time for lunch... and she needs to eat some veggies... and strip her down if she's going to eat the rest of that spaghetti... and if she has juice, don't forget to dilute it with water. By the time I actually got back out to my car, I had been there for almost two hours (and I know this because I've been watching the clock the whole time).

I finally did give in and call Matt to tell him I was on my way home. "Take your time," he told me. "We're just fine. She's eating lunch right now." Since I was on a role with not giving instructions, I decided not to ask what she was having. I got in the car and thought about my original plan to just relax. I guess for people like me, it's not that simple. It's more of a work in progress. Fortunately, I have 7 days of vacation coming up and a lot of time to work on it.

Our last pre-baby vacation (summer '09)

That's my goal on vacation this year - to let go of my plan and go with the flow; to resist the need to monitor the clock and prepare for the next meal, the next nap, the next bath; to forget about everything I should be doing; and to give myself permission to sit down and just relax.

Have a happy (and relaxing) holiday weekend. I'll be back in a week!

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